I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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