I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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