he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
