So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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