I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
