good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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