yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
