first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
