I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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