Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
