Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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