also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
