So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
