and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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