im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
