i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
