Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
