The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
40s are totally the cure
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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