my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
