Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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