just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
