Come see our sink grown plant.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
