She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
