Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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