she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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