She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
