We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
