On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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