I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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