I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
