Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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