sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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