No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
