You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish i was in the wii world.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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