I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
