Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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