Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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