So gin and wine won't be happening again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
