Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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