i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
