so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize