That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just invented taco cereal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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