you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
