allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
