We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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