she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
