So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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