Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
