Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there's paper in my vomit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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