I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize