listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
