Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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