those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
