The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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