When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
