i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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