Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
