your thong is hanging out like whoa
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
