i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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