You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
