I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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