i permit you to call me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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