I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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