I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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