Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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