Plan B is the new Plan A
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
