i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
