I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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