I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
