im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
