Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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