Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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