Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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