Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
