You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Even my vagina gasped.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
