I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
