two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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