Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
