well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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