So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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